Demand avoidance

Demand avoidance means resisting or avoiding the ordinary demands of life: getting dressed, coming to the table, starting schoolwork, sometimes even doing an enjoyable thing that someone else suggested. Many autistic children experience it, and the National Autistic Society publishes guidance on it for families.

From the outside it can look like a child being wilful or controlling. From the inside, an instruction, even a gentle one, can feel like a threat to the child's sense of safety and control, and panic does the rest. Reading it as defiance leads to firmer demands, which usually makes everything worse.

That reframe changes what helps. Lowering the demand, offering real choices, and asking sideways ('I wonder if...') tend to work better than insisting. If this pattern is extreme and constant for your child, you may also come across the term PDA Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) PDA describes a child who fights everyday requests very hard, even things they want to do. UK experts do not agree on it, and it is not a diagnosis on its own. Read the full definition of Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) .