Understanding Impulse Control

Impulse control is a core executive function that allows us to pause, think and choose actions deliberately rather than react automatically. This ability develops slowly throughout childhood and adolescence, which means impulsive moments are completely normal for children and young people. However, these moments can feel very intense for everyone involved: the child experiencing the urge and the adults trying to keep them safe.

For many parents and caregivers, life with an impulsive child often involves living on high alert. There is constant worry about safety (“Are they about to run into the road?”), ongoing frustration from predicting the child’s every move, and sometimes a fear of judgment from others. For neurodivergent children, whose brains often process information more quickly and reactively, the gap between impulse and action can be even smaller, creating a real mismatch between expectations and behaviour. More predictable responses allow other people to maintain positive social engagement with the child and co-create rapport and trust.

What is Impulse Control?

Impulse control is the ability to pause before acting, think ahead, and choose actions aligned with goals, values or safety. It is the critical space between urge and action.

Strong impulse control supports the ability to:

• Notice urges and slow down before reacting
• Choose responses rather than acting automatically
• Resist distractions long enough to complete tasks
• Delay gratification and tolerate “not right now”
• Stay safe physically and emotionally in challenging moments

Why Impulse Control Matters

Impulse control plays a vital role in a child’s daily functioning and longer term development. It influences:

• Safety and risk by helping them to slow down long enough to assess danger, make safer choices and avoid accidents
• Emotional regulation by supporting the ability to manage big emotions (reducing outbursts and facilitating faster recovery)
• Relationships with others through smoother social interactions and awareness of how their actions might affect others
• Learning by allowing children to follow instructions, stay on task and participate effectively within the school environment
• Decision-making and problem-solving by encouraging thoughtful choices based on goals and consequences (long term planning) rather than short term urges
• Independence, self-confidence, overall wellbeing for longer term positive outcomes
• Mental health by averting problems associated with sudden breakdowns in communication and positive regard

It can be helpful to understand impulsivity as a brain-based stress response, rather than view it as naughtiness, laziness or defiance. When a child’s nervous system detects urgency or overwhelm, it can shift to survival mode, which is characterised by fast actions and limited reflection. These moments require calm, compassionate support from parents, caregivers and teachers.

Practical Strategies for Building Impulse Control

Building impulse control is often most effective when adults provide consistent, everyday support that strengthens a child’s ability to pause, reflect and choose their actions. This can be done by:

• Modeling deliberate, slow responses: children learn from what they see. When a parent or caregiver slows down, narrates their thinking and demonstrates pausing, children internalise these processes 
• Co-regulation to reduce urgency: a calmer nervous system creates more space for thinking. Warm tone, predictable routines and grounding techniques help children to settle enough to enable their prefrontal cortex to come back “online”.
• Identifying triggers: A child’s ability to control their impulses reduces significantly when they are dysregulated. Naming and planning for triggers such as hunger, exhaustion, sensory overwhelm, transitions, and changes to routine forms a key part of effective impulse control.
• Use the 4 Ps:
  
  • Predictability: Increase predictability by following regular routines and planning for triggering, stimulating or unexpected situations
  • Pauses: Create space between urge and action by using scripted pauses, mantras & physical cues
  • Practice: Create opportunities to regularly practice pause techniques and waiting 
  • Processing time: Give extra time before expecting a response. This allows the brain to understand instructions, shift tasks and settle emotions, enabling the prefrontal cortex (planning and decision-making centre) to engage before the child acts

For further techniques and personalised support, the Assembly Emotional Regulation Programme offers a range of practical ideas for both parents/carers and the child simultaneously.

The Benefits of Early Support

Impulse control relies on brain networks that continue developing into early adulthood. Early, consistent practice maximises neuroplasticity and strengthens neural pathways for planning, pausing and choosing actions. It also prevents unhelpful behaviour patterns from becoming entrenched and builds a home environment defined by calm, safety and trust.

A Compassionate Perspective

Impulse control is not about perfection, compliance or suppressing natural urges. It’s about helping children to develop capacity to pause long enough to make choices that feel safe, successful and aligned with who they are

For neurodivergent children, impulse control often develops much more gradually and depend heavily on supportive environments. When families focus on building impulse control together, children feel understood, less rushed and more confident in their ability to think before they act.